A Walk In The Woods: and other short stories by Esther Chilton @esthernewton201 #BookReview

via A Walk In The Woods: and other short stories by Esther Chilton @esthernewton201 #BookReview

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Strange Thoughts and Yoga

Eyes searching upwards from the laptop capture the blue sky before the sunlight pierces the cornea, forcing me to squint. Now 70’s channel plays The Archies ‘Sugar, Sugar’ and I recall fancying the brunette when an adolescent, so I have to Google her name. Veronica Lodge. It occurs to me I never knew this before – never caught the TV series.

I realise that Veronica is still attractive and as a cartoon character will never age – I am suddenly jealous – this emotion is quickly cast off, replaced by a realisation that I am possibly going mad.

It is now four weeks since I injured my Achilles Tendon, I don’t run anymore – I don’t walk anymore, Sooty has exhausted his talents and my sole source of entertainment (apart from Netflix; other entertainment channels are available) comes from Adriene – a YouTube Yoga teacher. Contrary to the dark side of my mind (I call him Jack) I chose Adriene because:

A. She is extremely talented

B. She has a hugely diverse site.

Jack has other ideas concerning my choice of Yoga teacher!

The rest of my day is spent editing my book (chapter 20 of 42 chapters) and squinting at the sunshine beaming through my window. 

So, why Yoga I hear you scream? Okay you didn’t. I’ve never done Yoga in my life, it always seemed girly. Hang on girls, remember I am losing my mind so allowed to be inappropriate. Of course, I now wish I had…!

If you have ever considered Yoga… Stop considering it and do it. Adriene and I lock ourselves away twice – sometimes three – times a day and after a shaky start I feel so much better. My little legs do things I would never have thought possible. You should really try a Pigeon, that’s a move not a meal. Although if you do eat one, hang it in the barn until its head drops of first. I apologise if you are vegetarian, it was my father’s advice not mine. 

Posted in 1970'S, Blogging, Coronavirus, Humour, Life, Lifestyle, Opinion | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

Relieving Anxiety for a Little bear

There are some people who believe I have far too much time on my hands! I started these little Sooty videos originally because my Face Book feed was bombed with fake and real news stories, shared by people who hadn’t actually read them but felt the need to comment upon the sensationalist headlines.

This, I felt was just causing undue anxiety and worry. So initially the idea was to show the effect sensationalism can have on the more sensitive people in our society. Strangely enough it does seem to be calming down now. Although I doubt this has anything to do with Sooty. This final video was simply to get people laughing, hope you can at least smile. By the way that’s not my real hair and I grew the beard simply to emphasize the issue of lock down. Be safe my friends xx

Posted in Blogging, Coronavirus, Dance, Dancing, Humour, Life, Opinion, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

At Home With Sooty 3

I only post once a week but this video is actually relevant to today. Happy Easter, by the way. It also may need a little explaining for those of you who don’t abide in the North of England – Skegness is a beach resort that has had a certain amount of fun poked at it over the years but sadly, as is the case with many UK resorts, it is in decline. The Daily Twaddle is a not an actual Newspaper but when you read the amount of BS that is published today it may as well be. Finally I feel that little bears are impressionable so maybe the media should think before they publish. But we know from experience they don’t – Caroline Flack?

Finally for some reason WordPress won’t allow me to upload the video? Maybe it’s limited to two? So here is the YouTube link. Have a lovely Easter 😉

 

Posted in Blogging, Coronavirus, Humour, Life, Media, Opinion | Tagged , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

At Home With Sooty (2)

It’s very difficult to write anything these days without mentioning the ‘C’ word. No, stop it! Lets keep this a family show 😉 Because I am frenziedly editing my book and seem to be consumed by 1974, skinheads, rockers and racism it’s difficult to diverse my mind. This is why I did a few Sooty videos (I think) Although there are some that think I am ‘3 sheets to the wind’, a saying of my mother’s. It was a different way of saying that you are mentally disturbed, which could be true. I’m not even sure if this constitutes a Blog Post? But anyway, like the News, you can choose not to watch it 😉 Love you all and hope you and your family are surviving this xxx

Posted in Blogging, Coronavirus, Humour, Life, Opinion, Relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Stir Crazy? 😂

These little bears are so impressionable and why has my hair grown? 😂

Posted in Blogging, Humour, Life, Opinion, Relationships | 25 Comments

It’s a Dog’s Life

I really miss the Parkrun, thought Billy, sniffing a lamp post hopefully. I wonder why they stopped it. I hope it wasn’t because I barked so much at the start. I was just so excited. All those smells, admittedly they weren’t all nice but most of the humans smelt friendly. Maybe, Patrick stopped it? Maybe, I should have let him win sometimes? But then he would probably have tripped over my lead, teehee that could have been quite funny.

Patrick and Billy

Patrick and Billy at Beverley Westwood Parkrun

A lot of the humans have gone away, it’s probably because of all the rain. I heard Patrick say  the bad weather was keeping them away from the Parkrun (when we had one!) And he is very clever. As for the ones that are left? Well, I think they may have fallen out. They used to mess about, always kissing and hugging, now they stand apart and don’t look as happy. I haven’t smelt a trouser leg for ages. Of course that doesn’t tell you very much about someone,  if you really want to get to know someone you need to smell their bottoms.

My friend, Rex (he’s a Border Collie and works with Sheep) says that Mother Nature has stopped Parkrun as a punishment. He’s always been a deep thinker. He thinks all the machines, especially the one’s that fly, have stopped working because they were killing natureAnd, he says a long time ago some beings called Dinosaurs were very naughty so she froze them all! He laughs and says some humans want to save the planet but they don’t realise the planet will save itself one day.

I know it sounds a bit silly but a lot of people are very sad because there is no Parkrun anymore. For some people it was their weekly challenge or a way to meet other people and have a bit of fun and other people used to like setting it up and making it nice for the ones that ran or walked it. Rex said it was good for people’s mental health (whatever that means)

They all used to shout my name when I ran past and I used to bark a lot, so I hope if it is Mother Nature that’s doing this, then the humans can do a deal with her.

Posted in Blogging, Humour, Life, Relationships, Running | Tagged , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Not Really Poetry

I’m not a poet but I do spend a lot of time running, sometimes on my own and sometimes with my partner. This partner, although female, is not the aforementioned Princess. I guess she is my Countess, which the Princess appears to be happy about as she believes a Countess is lower in the ranking than a Princess. Anyway, as always I digress. So, yesterday I had a long run on my own because of you know what, shhh… and when I run alone the old brain comes up with all sorts of stuff. Some of it involves stuff I couldn’t put on here, give me a break I am still a bloke 😘 So in this little head of mine I wrote a poem, mainly because Saturday is Parkrun day and if you have no idea what that is? Then follow the link to a previous post, as I say I’m not a poet so I shoved a couple of photos in there to ease the pain. Hope you are all keeping safe and not yet contemplating divorce 😉

The people may be divided

But still, they are united

Parkrun is now prohibited

Alone, we have to run – uninhibited

And ensure we give a 2-meter pass

So, Mr Corona you can kiss my ass.

Posted in Athletics, Blogging, Freedom, Humour, Life, Opinion, Over 50's | Tagged , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Oh! The Working Men’s Club

Picture this. A warm alluring bar, rich, mellow music, intimate seating and culinary delights to tease your taste buds into a frenzy.

Well, a Working Men’s Club wasn’t quite like that. When I was a lad this was our Sunday night out, down the Labour Club. You arrived at seven o’clock to ensure a table. You couldn’t sit at any table because families had their own tables, especially on a Sunday night. I’ve seen fist fights over ‘table territory.’  The McGlynn and the Robertson family? They would just glower at you, all night, but the Grimes’? – they would rip your lungs out, so you had to be careful.

The lino floor ensured strict hygiene could be observed. Beer, blood and occasional vomit was uncomplicatedly washed away with mop and bucket. Upon entrance your ears detected the eloquent sounds of Jack and Bill playing organ and drums and by the time you had downed your third pint of Tetley’s bitter people were having a dance and  ‘Sooty’as we affectionately called our host would have announced the evenings entertainment. He earned the name simply because he stood behind a box.

The programme was usually the same. Jack and Bill played a few waltzes, quicksteps and foxtrots for the serious dancers and the rest of us waited for the main attraction, quite often a comedy dance band, which we called the ‘Turn.’ I remember the 4 Statesmen (photo below) who were hilarious and accomplished musicians. Eventually the ‘Turn’ had a break and we were treated to pie and peas and a game of Bingo. Oh we knew how to live 😉

We had Stewards who kept an eye on things, especially me. I was only fifteen when I joined (proposed by the President and seconded by John McGlynn, no less) So, five to six pints of hand pulled Tetley bitter was my limit. and if I misbehaved I would be hauled before ‘The Committee.’

I remember one particular Christmas party at John’s house where I was drinking half pints of whisky and orange – showing off in front of my new girlfriend – the Fitzgerald lass. I eventually passed out and was put to bed by Mary and Sue (John’s wife and her friend). I awoke five hours later, stark naked, in a strange bed, desperately trying to recall the preceding twelve hours. That evening – Boxing Day – I remember sitting in the Labour Club when Sooty announced that, “Mary and Sue would like to know if Charlie still has his purple underpants on?” I think that was the moment the Fitzgerald lass decided that all things being equal we possibly didn’t have a future together. Oh! those were the days.

Posted in 1970'S, Blogging, Dancing, History, Humour, Life, Opinion, Over 50's, people | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

To Flee or to Fight

The sun creeps over the mountain ridge, casting its first shadow deep into the canyon – far away in the distance a blur is moving fast with the speed and agility of a Pronghorn. Look closer and you see someone running in a dress?

Photo by Eli Duke/Creative Commons 2.0

When someone invades your country you can flee or you can fight. In the 16th century the Spanish invaded the Americas. The Aztecs and the Maya fought, that didn’t exactly work out for them, the Raramuri or as the Spanish called them, the Tarahumara, fled and hid in the Sierra Madre, home to the Copper Canyons. They were so good at camouflage Cortez and his successors never found them. In the 1890’s the explorer Carl Lumholtz rode past a village without even seeing it.

The Copper Canyons have always been quite popular with naughty boys, such as Geronimo and a few bandits. Although I’m not quite sure these days if Geronimo was naughty? One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter and all that. 😉

But back to the Taramuhara, boy can these people run, 50-100 miles? No problem.

One of the things that assist them is their diet, they eat a lot Masa Harina which is cornmeal treated with lime (the mineral lime, not the fruit). From this they make Pinole (recipe here). Masa Harina is sold out in the UK, nothing to do with the apocopalypse it’s been like that for a while, so I am still running slowly 😉

Some say they are the best distance runners in the world, epitomised in Christopher McDougall‘s book Born to Run it’s an interesting debate and they do it all in sandals, eat your heart out Nike 😂

Posted in Athletics, Blogging, Freedom, History, Life, Mexico, Opinion, Running | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments