We Have to Say Goodbye For The Summer

I felt the fear rising, it was okay, I had learned to control that years ago. But the anger was straining for release today and like mist from a stagnant pond in a summer inferno, I felt them drawing the life force from my body. I had to get control; after all these were only Level 1 Carpentry students.

I was considering the merits of fetus gene-editing when Jack decided that it would be cool to set fire to Alex’s hair. Three minutes later Jack departed the classroom informing me that I was in fact a ‘fucking idiot,’  I smiled, ‘opinions vary,’ I said.

These are the days of summer, days of sweat, ill temper, boy/man frustrations and goals that are so close but not yet achieved, so I give them some leeway. Jeannie enters the classroom forty five minutes late. a walking fashion show, makeup that would put Kim Kardashian to shame and a smile that is actually genuine, ‘Morning,’ she says, sits down and starts work

A hand shoots up, I am optimistically cautious. ‘Yes, Dean?’

‘Ow come, like, she’s always late and you nefer say owt and i’ve got one of them warning things?’

‘Because she is a girl, Dean,’ I couldn’t think of anything else.

‘That’s not fair.’ he says.

‘Life’s not fair, Dean, get used to it,’ to my surprise he accepts this and carries on with his work. We have reached an understanding, they have had their forty five minutes of boundary challenging, they have expressed their disdain of being cast into this cell with me, they have attempted to change the subject of roof truss installation to who is going to shag who on Love Island (although I was a little curious, I can save that for Tutorial) they have attempted to text, poke or show me some young nubile girl they met on Tinder and they have failed  None of us are beaten though, we are, like the money in Father Teds‘s bank account, resting. We’ll do it all again next week, but safe in the knowledge that it’s nearly over then we go our separate ways. We will meet again in September but unlike Brian Hyland I doubt I will be writing to them 😉

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Holiday Stress, Men, Death and Menstruation

Metal smashed against air and the air was forced beneath and so the metal lifted. There was a shudder in the plane, someone gasped, a baby cried and I watched the ground disappear. The flying tin reached 10,000ft and as they all sucked frantically on boiled sweets I cracked my jaw and released the pressure in the Eustachian tube. They believe if they can’t hear then no one else can. A woman in front stressed to her husband (and I got the idea that it wasn’t the first time) that she wasn’t happy about leaving her seriously ill Mum. He on the other hand was insistent that everyone needed a holiday. At 35,000ft the young girl opposite me and her boyfriend looked like they were worth tuning into. She required the toilet, he was appalled that he had to move, ‘why couldn’t she wait?’ She explained that her period had started, he turned away and I saw the expression on his face. If I hadn’t heard the conversation then I would have presumed she had just told him that she intended to remove his testicles with a pair of nail clippers while he slept. He stood up. ‘Go on then!’

She looked smaller now, and most apologetic. It flashed through my mind to explain that his girlfriend was a human and not a shagging machine to be abused when it’s out of order, but realised he had that, ‘head on’ and I would be wasting my time.

What happens if she takes a turn for the worse? Or dies?!’ Asked the woman in front. To which her husband explained he was neither a Dr, Paramedic or an undertaker, so her mom was in safe hands. Oh dear, I thought probably not the best reply. When we landed there was a certain amount of frostiness in the air. Mr Boyfriend was very unhappy that the first four days or so of his holiday was going to be sexless and poorly mother-in-law man realised he wasn’t going to get any peace for two weeks.

It was a week later when, laid by the pool, Mr Boyfriend returned from the bar, gave his girlfriend a Pina Colada, stroked her hair and kissed her shoulder. “Aww look at that,” said my partner, “So sweet.”

“She’s probably just finished her period,” I said.

“God, you’re so cynical.”

I smiled. Later when we came down for dinner the lady with the sick mom and her husband were at reception, she was in tears and he looked quite guilty.

“I wonder what’s going on there?” Asked my partner.

“Her mom’s probably died,” I said.

“God you’re so horrible,”she said.

“I know,” but smiled to myself.

Feeling a little melancholy and disappointed with certain members of the human race (you guessed 😉) But anyway I had a great holiday in Greece, and some lovely early morning runs 😀

Posted in Blogging, Humour, Life, Opinion, people, Relationships, Vacation, Women | 37 Comments

They’re Giving Me a Medal 🏅

The temperature had dropped slightly, but the palms were still sweating and my BPM was at 70 instead of its usual 34-40, according to Garmin, which I love but it has annoying habit of telling me to ‘Move’ when I’m having a rest. Anyway… seventy two years ago, I’m kinda guessing as I wasn’t even a twinkle at that time in fact I’m not sure if I was ever a twinkle in my Dad’s eye as it’s common knowledge that I was a mistake, see not all mistakes are a disaster. Of course there has been no census from my ex-wives, so you’ll have to take that as a given 😉. Now, all that time ago they gave my Dad some medals, I think there were 6. I haven’t seen them for a while as I gave them to my sister (long story, but she felt she should have them) They’re medals from WW2, my medal is for dancing, so no bravery involved in actual fact there wasn’t a lot of skill either, but it’s my first medal, (I was a rubbish swimmer at school!) so I was a little nervous. Our Dance teacher said she would dance with us because I can’t count, well obviously I can count, but not in the right way and my rhythm is off. These are things that can hamper one’s progress as a dancer but then they said Fred Astaire, “couldn’t act, was going bald and danced a bit,” many years ago at an early screen-cast. So, under the keen eye of the examiner off I went with a Social Foxtrot. Barbara at Dance Safari and Carolyn at ABC of Spirit Talk are now laughing as it’s probably the easiest dance in the world, but I passed and more to the point, survived! 😘 Oh! the photo is me and mum-in law at a wedding not the Dance Teacher 😉

 

Posted in Blogging, Dance, Dancing, Humour, Life | Tagged , , , | 46 Comments

So Happy!

Five years ago I developed a calf thing, hey I don’t know I’m not a Dr 😂 After running a mile the pain in my calf meant I walked home. This was a bummer for someone who loves running. I saw a couple of physios but I think they just thought I was too old. Then I saw this guy when we moved to Beverley and he really took an interest. This morning I ran the Beverley 10k in 48:03 which is four and a half minutes faster than my previous PB. Not much of a post but I felt the need to share. Happy Mother’s Day America 🙏💐😀

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Freddie Star

I don’t usually do this, but this guy was a comic hero for most of my life and passed away yesterday. I’m not writing a huge tribute I’ll let him do it 😘 www.youtube.com/watch

Posted in Humour, Life, Opinion | Tagged , , | 13 Comments

The Boy in the Short Pants

The city sun was no different to the country sun, so why was it so scary? A strange question to ask your 10 year-old self? I should have asked why the other boys were throwing stones at my legs, but I knew the answer. It was the short pants. Let me explain, we had moved from the farm to a council estate in Bradford (not the best decision my parents made) now, country boys wore short pants whereas city boys wore long pants.

As someone different I had to be punished bullied maybe it was a form of banter ;-). I kept walking and they followed, until a girl began talking to me. She placed herself between me and them, they stopped throwing stones and dispersed. Her name was Christine Oats and we became friends. We played together that summer until one day it was over and we were sent to different schools. I saw her again once, 7 years later, I was with some ‘lads’ we were ‘lads’ on the last bus home and drunk. They were making some rude innuendos towards her and when I recognised her I went to sit with her whereupon they ceased their abuse. We talked for while, well, I slurred and she didn’t really speak much until we reached her stop and suddenly she was gone. I often wondered why she was so ‘offish.’ Then a few days ago I worked it out, she was disappointed. She saw what I had become, she thought I had become one of the stone throwers. It was shortly after that, as a 17 year-old I came to my senses and realised that ‘stone throwing wasn’t really me. I left Bradford for good. I’ve never been back.

Posted in 1970'S, Blogging, Freedom, Life, Opinion, people, Relationships | Tagged , , | 70 Comments

Make an Easter Tree; Adorn with Chicks and Bunnies

This gallery contains 4 photos.

Originally posted on Charliecountryboy's Blog:
Sorry if you were expecting Chicks and Bunnies pole dancing in a tree, but this isn’t Playboy and I’m no Hugh Hefner 🙂 When we left Hampshire last year the Princess asked me to…

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Nasty Followers, “like hobbits is”

I never post twice a week except this week I’m on holiday and planned a whole week of running and gym and writing and all things nice 🏃‍♂️🏋️‍♂️🧘‍♂️📇💃🕺🏻Instead, as you know I got a cold 😈👿🤮Anyway managed a 5k this morning complete with nose bleed? (No idea). After cold bath followed by hot shower, breakfast of Bran Flakes/banana/yoghurt/toast and a fruitless search for chocolate while cursing Princess for acquiescing to my request, not to buy any said chocolate, I decided to catch up on my latest WordPress followers.

This subject has been bothering me for a while. People that follow you without liking any of your posts. How does that work? I mean I’m not going to follow you back ‘you knob little monkey’ But why did you follow me? I can only guess it’s to get lots of followers themselves. If I read something I like and find their site interesting, I follow them. I don’t wander around WordPress aimlessly following people, just the same as I don’t wander the streets following strangers home. Then there are the ones that don’t exist FFS!

Or even better it says they have deleted the account. So today I am having a clear out. As for Instagram? Well, that is a joke. Have you any idea how many beautiful young nubile girls want to have sex with me? I generally block them, but sometimes I start a conversation and play along, with shouts from the Princess. “Stop teasing the sex workers” It usually goes along these lines:

SexygirlfromCA – “Hi, baby, have you been in my Cam Room?

OldCharliefromT’North – “Why? Did I leave my socks?

SexygirlfromCA – “Conversation ended” 😂😂

Posted in Blog, Blogging, Humour, Life, Opinion, people, Social Media | Tagged , , , , , , , | 99 Comments

I’m a Bad, Bad Patient

The cold shivers ravage your body and your spine feels like its just come out of cold storage then you realise someone is drilling holes into the backs of your eyes. Meanwhile sweat oozes from every pore and you feel like a human Niagara.

“Would you like me to fill your water glass?” She asks.

“No I’ll just lie here and die of bloody thirst.” I answer. There’s no comeback, people learn quickly, I am a terrible patient. Later I am asked if I would like some soup?

“You know what? As I can hardly swallow and my gums feel as though someone has been trying to cut them out with a Jig saw all night why don’t you rustle up me a T-Bone, FFS!!!” I’ve always been like that, I remember hearing voices outside my room when, as a kid I had the Flu. My elder sister enquired as to my well being and my mother replied, “Go in and see him if you dare, horrible nasty little demon.” Many years later after watching the Exorcist I had some sympathy for them.

So yes I am sick and have been struggling all week for a post, although I have been informed that going for a 12k run followed by a cold bath on Thursday wouldn’t have helped. But you know me, never surrender 😂😂😂😂😂

12k

Posted in Blogging, Humour, Life, Opinion, Relationships, Running | Tagged , , , , , , , | 46 Comments

Batman and I

“One August day an eight-year old and his mum are picking blackberries, she is unaware her son is a Superhero and wearing his costume beneath his ordinary clothes. I was expecting a crime wave not a heat wave and as I sank into a lethargic state of heat exhaustion I began to have doubts about said costume.”                                                               That was an exert from an old blog Hawkboy  It was Batman’s 80th birthday last week which triggered the memory of the post. Batman was an old chum of mine when I was playing superheroes back in the day and we had quite a bit in common. I built my own Batmobile and although I was never paid, I was a Batman look alike for a while.

 

I had a den in the woods, den/cave lets not get picky. We both abhorred injustice, okay I didn’t catch the high profile criminals like he did but I did punch Micky Jackson on the nose when he stole Patricia’s packet of Smarties And of course the opposite sex found us both attractive, although I never got to screw Catwoman I don’t recall ever losing a game of Kiss and Catch 😉 There was a party last week for Batty at the Anaheim Convention Center No one invited me 😦 After all those years of watching Batman  reading Batman and listening to my Batman Soundtrack Album you would think I might have got an invite?

 

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