Back into my Porn

I flick through the magazine and realise how much I have missed these moments. I get so excited I actually play a video that pops up on my I-Pad. The Princess raises an eyebrow, as this is interrupting Coronation Street and I do have it rather loud.

Sadly they are only explaining the said ‘Toy’ and not actually demonstrating it. But OMG it’s a monster with attachments, I can almost feel the vibration in my fingers and for £59.99 from Screwfix I buy one.

Yes my friends I have been hard at it for nearly 6 weeks now. I discover the old urges of searching for ‘toys’ to enhance my performance have returned. It started with the floors, as you know from last weeks post. My running partner is such a lovely person I felt compelled to carry on. I’ve swung new doors (I guess that kinda makes me a ‘swinger’) painted walls and with help from my running buddy we’ve laid a path (yeah you picked up on the word laid! Really!!) we’ve laid (give up now!) a patio, dug some deep holes for fence posts and erected a fence. I guess it could be a Carry On film.

So now I am indulging myself in what the Princess calls ‘Man Porn’ actually it’s far better than the other kind. Ever tried hammering your way through 400mm of concrete with a Greedy Girl Rabbit?

About charliecountryboy

Part-time Carpentry Assessor. writer, runner, guitarist. Curious about life and all those wonderful people in it.
This entry was posted in Blog, Blogging, Carpentry, Community, Humour, Life, Opinion and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

41 Responses to Back into my Porn

  1. Keeping you busy and out of mischief

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I really like it when your posts bring a smile to my face… this was so “well-witty”, it gave me cheek dimples. Nice one, Charlie.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Very interesting…I will admit when I saw the title that I had to look further….I guess there’s a little porn star in all of us.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Oh yes, very witty, with me on the edge of my seat waiting for the final inappropriate comment. 🙂 You are a master of suspense.

    ( I had to look it up, and confessed I was shocked. The price of the things! You can get a 1500 watt Bosch with two batteries for that money, though I do admit you could probably bang your way through 400 mm of concrete with one.) Now I’m going to have to delete my browser history.

    Finally, a note on measurement. I appreciate you are a sensitive and forward looking man, and therefore have espoused the metric system, but I think you will find that the porn industry has not.
    The industry standard is still the inch and 400mm is therefore more generally known as 16″.

    At this point it is probably best if |I stop writing. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Invisibly Me says:

    If you’re going to catch your man salivating at the goods on offer then I’d agree that DIY porn is the preferred option. Sounds like plenty of swinging, laying & erecting going on there, and it’s just as well your talents are outdoors because porn industry is on hold given the pandemic. I can’t imagine two people going at it from 6 foot apart.
    You really are quite the dab hand at all this stuff because it’s looking great!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Mrs ESTJ says:

    I got the power saw out today. Filthy 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  7. The Hinoeuma says:

    Oh my Lord, you are giving me flashbacks to my days with the Marine. The tools HE had. LOL! He built furniture, laid floors, changed a roof from trusses to rafters, replaced shingles, reconfigured the entire floor plan of our Texas house, did brick work, poured concrete (and hid an old door in it), built a gazebo, built a porch, he had a molding machine, a router table and a lathe. He did wiring, replace toilets, moved windows, install windows, laid tile and created a second floor in house that never had one, without changing the roof line. He was very handy. The only thing he wasn’t that good at was the lathe. He was a remodeling fool. He also built computers and did systems administration and, maintenance on vehicles. It’s a shame he turned into a drunken asshole…

    Love your pix.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Oh my what a waste!! I was thinking what a great mate he would be until you reached the end (mate as in buddy not reproductive companion😂) I have the edge though as I trained as an engineer when I was a kid straight from school and excelled on the lathe 😂
      So sorry about the ending. But your good? 😀

      Like

      • The Hinoeuma says:

        He had *issues* due to *family* and the end of his Marine Corps career put him in a tailspin. He did 30+ years and that is hard to walk away from. Another problem he had was a champagne taste on a beer pocketbook. He took out a second mortgage on the house (the house was solely in his name but, my name was on the second mortgage), labeled as “home improvement”, to the tune of $30,000, then proceeded to gamble away $20,000 of that in the stock market. He sucked as a day trader but, I watched him run circles around an IRS agent when we were audited. He was a master forger and could create any document to back up whatever he was doing.

        He also had a lot of trouble with taking orders after achieving the rank of Master Sergeant. He didn’t do well in the civilian market. At one time, he was working on computers for the Texas Rangers…and managed to get himself fired from that job. He didn’t like answering to a younger woman (remember the family issues). He tried starting businesses on his own…handyman, computer technician, selling molding to larger companies… We ran into the 2008-2009 economy crash and things got bad. My Texas state job kept us just above water but, I got sick (long story). We went thru the IRS audit in June 2010, we separated in July 2010 and he disappeared on me. I was left with the house payment, the second-second mortgage (we managed to pay off the first-second mortgage and he turned around to apply for another one) and three maxed out credit cards to the tune of $10,000 (his debt but in my name). He had two maxed out credit cards in his name at $25,000. I moved back to NC and applied for Texas unemployment. I got it for six months, then the state decided that I shouldn’t have gotten it and wanted it all back. I destroyed my Texas state retirement trying to cover all of the above (minus his two cards) and failed. My credit rating has been in the toilet for nearly a decade. I am just now coming out of that. I was up to my ass in alligators for quite a while.

        As an addendum, after his 30+ year career, when he retired, he retired out of the reserves, not active duty, though he was activated for the Iraq War. That meant he had to wait until he turned 60 to get his military pension. That was 2016 so, that was a contributing factor to all the debt.

        Liked by 3 people

      • Wow, tough time (for both of you!) It’s quite criminal the way governments don’t support long serving ex-military. They’re quite happy with 30years service though 🥴

        Liked by 2 people

      • The Hinoeuma says:

        Sorry for writing a book. I type in the wee hours of the morning. 😖😵😴

        Liked by 3 people

      • Rule 1 Never apologise
        Rule 2 Never apologise to me 😂
        Hey it’s great to share, so they tell me. Good to be a sounding board 😉

        Liked by 2 people

      • The Hinoeuma says:

        *sigh* Thanks for reading. ☺ Maybe you should moonlight as a counselor.

        “Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness.” ~Leroy Jethro Gibbs

        Liked by 3 people

      • I’ll leave the counselling to the better half lol. But thank you for the thought 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Laleh Chini says:

    Great job Charlie.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Carolyn Page says:

    Whatever rocks your boat, Charlie, I say – go for it…
    (I’m definitely wishing you were my next door neighbour, or running mate – but without the actual running…) I do still have running shoes, if that counts for anything!

    Hahah.. I love your style of porn, Charlie; those metal toys do look rather fetching… 🙂
    xoxoxo

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Anne says:

    Your dirty talk is hilarious Charlie!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Interesting read here. Full of wit too. Nice day Charlie!

    Liked by 1 person

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