A Rat, A Pea Man and a Bit of A.I.

Five am, the sun rises over the cornfield and the last thing you need to see is a drowned rat in a cattle trough. But hey ho, it happens.

As I fished the rat corpse out of the trough I heard a lorry coming down the lane. Through the mist of the recently woken, I remembered, the Pea Man.

Helping my nephew on the farm, many years ago could be surprising, today it was peas. Yup, he’d decided peas were good for buttermilk and they were cheap. I showed the Pea Man where he needed to tip them and as his trailer raised into the air the smell assaulted my nostrils. If I had thought the rat was bad… Anyway, they seemed less messy than the two-ton of beetroot he had ordered last month.

We arose at 5 am most mornings but this was a special day because it was Driffield Show dayΒ and we had seven bullocks and one heifer to wash and load. Of course, this was after we hadΒ  ‘fed up’ (feeding animals) and ‘teemed’ (unloaded) a trailer of straw.

We were parading these beasts at the show. They weighed nearly half a ton and we had spent a lot of time with them. We had wrestled them, haltered them, walked them (oh yes every night for about 3 miles)Β  and now we washed them, blowed dried them and brushed them.

There was an issue though. The man from the Artificial Insemination unit or the ‘A.I. Man, as we called him was calling around to impregnate one of the cows. But help was at hand, my brother-in-law, a city dweller on a day visit, had offered to ‘see to him’.

We packed our trunk, white coats, white halters, numbers and of course sandwiches and we were ready.

As we were about to leave the A.I. man trundled down the lane. I explained we had to go and introduced him to the aforementioned city dweller/brother-in-law and escorted them to the cowshed. Leaving them to it I began to close the door.

I overheard my brother-in-law say to the A.I. man. “Would you like me to hold your trousers?”

Oh! I bet that’s a story he’s told a few times.

Vaya con dios, amigos xx


Memory inspired from a conversation with my dear fellow blogger https://quercuscommunity.com/

All photos from Pexels today I’m afraid



About charliecountryboy

Part-time Carpentry Assessor. writer, runner, guitarist. Curious about life and all those wonderful people in it.
This entry was posted in Blogging, Farming, History, Humour, Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to A Rat, A Pea Man and a Bit of A.I.

  1. The punch line is worth waiting for! Made I laugh…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. hahahaha or leave your trousers right there.. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great story. As a very young boy I watched the A.I. man do his job in Grandpa’s barn. It was probably then that I decided to be something other than a farmer..πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. dessertflower5 says:

    A lovely story. Enjoyed reading it

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Great story, well told. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Carolyn Page says:

    What a varied life you’ve led, Charlie; you keep coming out with surprise after surprise!
    Your nephew sounds like a ‘thinker’. Did you ever find out if the peas/beets were good for buttermilk?
    Huh… That brother-in-law either had a great sense of humour, or was the biggest dope ever. I barrack for a great sense of humour.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha, thank you Carolyn, yeah, the peas were better than the beetroot as I recall but buttermilk can only be so high according to the Mil Marketing Board and he’s always coming up with some idea or other lol. Eric, my brother-in-law? Never quite sure as he has a very dry sense of humour haha

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Lara/Trace says:

    OMG – I needed to laugh! Thank YOU!


  8. Anne says:

    Oh my goodness, great story!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. kevymichaels says:

    That was very imaginative; though true. I love the phrase “assaulted my nostrils”. I realized then that stinky smells are an assault of sorts.

    In Denver, Colorado stock shows are a big deal! Your post makes me wanna go to one, but the convention center where it’s held has been converted to a make shift coronavirus shelter, for the homeless.

    I must read more of your posts. Especially because of your impressive writing talent, I deeply appreciate your support.


    Liked by 1 person

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