It Weren’t Half Hot, Mum, and Home

Did you ever see an Elephant coming out of Kandy with a bell around its neck? Well I did, don’t you know, yeah a bit of a play on Mark Bolan, I know.

Our last visit during our stay in Sri Lanka was to Kandy, love that name, but a little ironic, don’t you think, a Temple of the Tooth in a place called Kandy, anyways, the story is that while the Buddha was on his funeral pyre someone nicked a tooth and smuggled to Sri Lanka in 313 AD.  I’m not keen on following a guide with a brolly in the air telling me ‘stuff’ but a tour was the law, ‘Guv.’ The link to Jeevitha’s blog above, is great if you want to know more, I was going to link to Wheatypete but the Sri Lanka link is down, soz Pete 😉 So, back to the plot- the temple is beautiful and I got to wear a skirt (no bare flesh allowed) I quite liked the skirt thing, but I don’t live in Bradford anymore and  it’s different for girls. So, eventually the guide made noises that said our time was up. Now I like a bit of an adventure so on the way out we left the crowd and deviated from the main route when there was a ‘psst,’ a little man who looked remarkably like the little shit in the Mummy films who gets everyone into trouble said, ‘Would you like to see something special?’ Now I hadn’t come all the way to Sri Lanka to see a penis, but I was curious. He explained that far from showing my girlfriend his willy he could take us to the living quarters of the Head Monk.

It was quite a walk and the look on my girlfriends face – similar to the one when the big soldier pulled out his knife, emulated my own cautious feeling, but eventually we came to a small room with a rather large Buddha in it. ‘This is where the head monk lives,’ said our new friend. Now would you believe it but at that very moment………yes, the head Monk arrives. My little friend, willy safely tucked away, informed us that this guy was, like, 100 or something and had walked all over the world in his sandals and would we like blessing? Now if you’ve been following me for a while you’ll have worked out that I am basically a neanderthal heathen, but, hey a blessing is a blessing. So there we were being chanted over and touched (it’s okay – on the forehead) When this was over the monk held out his hand – Mummy Boy explained that he received no wages and lived from contributions. That’s when the penny dropped (yeah, I know I’m cute but not so clever) so I gave head monk and scary guy some cash and he escorted us to the street. That’s when I saw the Elephant coming out of Kandy with a bell around its neck. 😉 xxxxxx

About charliecountryboy

Part-time Carpentry Assessor. writer, runner, guitarist. Curious about life and all those wonderful people in it.
This entry was posted in Blogging, Humour, Life, Opinion, Sri Lanka and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to It Weren’t Half Hot, Mum, and Home

  1. Invisibly Me says:

    Hahahah – “Now I hadn’t come all the way to Sri Lanka to see a penis, but I was curious”. I didn’t think you were hoping to see that, but you know the saying about “he doth protest too much” 😉

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I travel a lot but get caught so often with the few words or help and then that hand comes out.. hahaha

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Laleh Chini says:

    🙂 🙂 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Well thanks for the nod there, Charlie. I was there 20 odd years ago in the late nineties; we did all of those things you write about, and it makes me think that there is a bit of a formula thing to Sri Lanka tours… but on the stomach thing… my son was 3 years old, lived off poppadoms and profiteroles (he famously ate 11 for breakfast) and was never ill. We paddled in the sea and got swept off our feet from ankle deep in a couple of seconds by a big but apparently normal wave and I was lucky to catch him as we were swept out. The waiter in the hotel, of a certain age, reluctantly confessed to dying his hair because he would loose his job if he we;e ever to go grey. We broke the rules and brought a durian back into the hotel room. Some people love them, but for me it smelled and tasted like a sewer, or what a sewer would taste like – I have never tasted one .. obviously. It was also a spiky devil that was nearly impossible to break into. Wish I had not have bothered really. My daughter at 4 had a massive fall out with our friends’ son of the same age over whether the sky was blue or grey and I loved the second hand book stalls in Colombo where the books were old and smelled of mildew. We ate vege curries and were not ill. On the drive up to Kandy our tame-adopted-taxi-driver told us on the way back that the road was very dangerous for walkers at night because many snakes came down to the warm tarmac. We visited a Victorian machine-clanking tea factory and a herb garden on the way… saw toddy tappers climb coconut trees and walk along high suspended ropes and bring down the hooch and bought some gemstones. The elephant orphanage was cracking and Kandy was sublime. All in all I enjoyed it, although the tourist route did seem a bit formulaic. Your post gave a different and very personal perspective on the country and I hope your stomach has recovered now. Keep’em coming – I like ’em!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha thanks Pete, you must have been there around the same time as me it was late 90’s too. Luckily that was the only morning I was squeamy loved the food too. Yeah those waves were quite something you had a lucky break there pal, I remember a Manchester cricket team arriving late one night and I got chatting to the captain. He asked me what the food was like? He hated spicy food haha. The book stalls sounded fabulous 😀


  5. Carolyn Page says:

    ‘Bugger’ – Didn’t get the email, Charlie; literally! What’s up with WP? I’m late to the table again!

    Anyway, Charlie, another great instalment of your life. I am loving the reads. I appreciate ‘Scary Guy’ and the ‘Head Monk’ story. Some cultures can be quite openly opportunistic indeed; I saw and experienced similar adventures/scenarios whilst in India. I look back on those times with a wistful sense of nostalgia; those experiences form a part of life only found in particular areas/countries. I’m pleased I’m not subject to them in my homeland, but, I’m also ever so pleased to know and have had those adventures… and, strangely enough, I hope to have more!
    Loving the various avenues your posts are taking. It is fascinating to see an elephant walking about. If a dog is walking the streets (here) it gets picked up and taken to a pound… My mind enjoys the difference! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. The Hinoeuma says:

    Kevin J. O’Connor. Beni was a pain in the ass.

    At least you got a blessing.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. etiliyle says:


    Liked by 3 people

  8. Cherryl says:

    Sri Lanka sounds like a very interesting place! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s