Stuff They Told Me

I was reflecting upon all the stuff I was told as I grew up and wondered why I’m kinda normal. When a tooth fell out I placed it beneath my pillow whereupon a mysterious Fairylike creature sneaked into my room, I assumed she lifted my head and replaced it with a sixpence, but apparently the tooth crawled out from beneath the pillow so as not to wake me. So now I have an apparition with a crawling tooth in my room and if I didn’t go to sleep the ‘bogeyman’ would ‘get’ me.

My mam told me if I sniffed Poppies earwigs would get in my nose and eat their way into my brain, I now think this was to prevent me becoming an Opium addict, something she no doubt misheard on Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour. Then, of course if I misbehaved the Gypsy’s would steal me, I mean really? Why would they steal naughty children? Surely they had enough problems. Other people that wanted to steal me were strangers, so ‘never accept a sweet from a stranger,’ okay I can deal with that, but in between the Fairies, the crawling teeth, the Bogeyman, Opium addiction, the earwigs and the Gypsies, strangers were the last thing on my mind. And to be honest if the Gipsy’s and the strangers were such a great threat what the hell were my parents doing letting an old, overweight geezer in a red suit who stinks of Reindeer, whisky and carrots into my bedroom in the middle of the night bearing presents? πŸ™‚

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About charliecountryboy

Carpenter and Carpentry Lecturer. Writer, musician. Curious about life and all those wonderful people in it.
This entry was posted in Blogging, Christmas, Humour, Life, Opinion, people, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

53 Responses to Stuff They Told Me

  1. englepip says:

    Beautifully written. I don’t know how any of us ended normal? Or maybe we didn’t!!!!

    Liked by 6 people

  2. I really enjoyed reading this. I feel all parents are like that. Thank you for sharing πŸ™πŸ»πŸ˜‡

    Liked by 5 people

  3. Invisibly Me says:

    Hahaha, brilliant! I was told the river with a little pebble area I went to as a child, which we probably drove 40 minutes to get to (but I was made to feel like it was a huge effort to get there so I always thought it was further away), was the seaside. I felt more than a little mislead to find it was a grotty little town with a stream running through it, and never went to a seaside until I was more of an adult than a child. Luckily I wasn’t told about walking teeth and such. It’s hard to remember things when you want to so I’m struggling to think what else I was told now. Oh, not to go out the house with wet hair otherwise I’d catch a cold and die. Better than being abducted by strangers though I’d imagine. x

    Liked by 10 people

    • Haha brilliant, at least they didn’t tell you the ice cream van only played a tune when he had run out of ice cream πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ thanks for reading and thanks so much for commenting loved it πŸ’πŸ˜€

      Liked by 5 people

      • Invisibly Me says:

        Hahah I did get told that one actually! I also got told if I bought from the ice cream van man I’d put my parents out of business and we’d end up homeless (my parents owned a chocolate/sweet shop when I was growing up, and we lived above it). Makes you wonder where parents get these gems, whether they make some up spur of the moment or are passed down through the generations… I wonder how these lies will all have to be adapted for future generations hooked on iPads who get paid via a Toothfairy app when they lose a baby tooth!

        Liked by 3 people

      • That wouldn’t surprise me haha, apparently the Tooth Fairy has been around in various forms for centuries πŸ˜€

        Liked by 2 people

  4. I think that we tell our children lies to make them believe in the magic that we wished we could still believe in ourselves. We all love to see our little ones believe in magic; it’s part of being a child. But oh how I wish we all still believed in magical things.

    Liked by 5 people

  5. Oy, Reindeer, whiskey, and carrots! Ewww…quite a picture you paint there Charlie. Fun.

    Liked by 5 people

  6. And never pick Mother-Die, cos’ well hmmm, who’d make your dinner! And don’t pull faces cos’ if the wind changes direction it’d stay like that!

    Liked by 4 people

  7. Carolyn Page says:

    Smiling, Charlie! πŸ™‚
    I’m desperately trying to remember if I told my daughter ‘lies’ in order to get her to do something, or believe in something? I probably did, Charlie, but, I’m trying NOT to remember.. πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 6 people

  8. 🀣🀣🀣 Love this – good points!

    Liked by 4 people

  9. The Hinoeuma says:

    I’m still struggling with that freaky tooth-fairy…critter…thing… 😳

    Liked by 4 people

  10. eschersart says:

    Funny as always Charlie . The bogeyman is terrifying.

    The stories I was told were always funny and interesting but there was a time when the tiny me decided to play at a friend’s place a little longer than usual and her parents actually found some travelling gypsies close by and got them to open their sacks to see if they had hidden their little girl.

    Sad for the gypsies.

    Liked by 6 people

  11. πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£Thank you for providing, a wonderful start to my week 🀣🀣🀣

    Liked by 4 people

  12. How did we ever survive? I know I’m not normal and now I know why. My mom told me if I didn’t keep my ears clean, a corn stalk would grow out my ear. 😎 Then there was that thing about going blind. 😁😁

    Liked by 5 people

  13. velmadunkin says:

    This is awesome. I heard many of same things lol including the ear wig story. Lol

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Alex says:

    Where I come from there’s no bogeyman. We cerainly didn’t learn our lesson. Poor santa.

    Liked by 4 people

  15. Rakkelle says:

    Hey Charlie, so I answered your question. Thanks for playing along in my “Ask Me Anything” game. When you have time hop over to http://www.racquelwrites.com/2018/11/25/ask-me-anything-the-answers-part-2/ and check out the answer to your question. Thanks!

    Liked by 3 people

  16. You are HILARIOUS! thanks for that!

    Liked by 3 people

  17. sk8sandhu says:

    Good morning dear,

    I have nominated you for the β€œLovely Solidarity Blogger Award”, Please accept it and nominated others for this beautiful award. Bring dynamics stage of developmental process to all.

    β€œCongratulation”

    Thank you so much for sharing your time for doing it.

    Pardon me for causing inconvenience .

    Best regards
    Sks

    Liked by 3 people

  18. K E Garland says:

    lol – wait…Santa eats carrots where you’re from?

    Liked by 1 person

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