I’m Amazing (I Think)

During the dark early hours I was reflecting upon my life and I suddenly realised how amazing I must be. When I was a child I can recall my mother saying to visitors, “You’ll never guess what he’s done now.” She would have been describing some wonderful construction of mine which, I admit, did carry with it some collateral damage.                         One day I built a boat, in truth a prototype, OK I found a log. At seven years-old I was too big to sail it so I considered my niece, but at five years-old she was still too big. Now my nephew, at two years-old was, just like Goldilocks, the right size. I think that was possibly the flaw in the plan, he was too young to understand the intricacies of sailing a log in a stagnant pond. We fished him out, eventually and sneaked him into the house where we dried his clothes.

The adoration was continued by my teachers who clearly compared me to Martin Luther King when often stating that I was a ‘dreamer’. Although some of my teachers were prophetic. My Art teacher told me that I would never make anything of myself and he was right I cannot to this day sculpture. My headmaster spotted an early likeness to JFK when he told me, or should I say bellowed at me, “This school isn’t about you LAD!” We all know where he was going with that. When I started work at fifteen my employers were also suitably impressed and often said that in all their years they had never seen anyone attempt a task in the way I did.

All my girlfriends and wives, there have been a few, often told me, ‘You are totally unbelievable and you make me want to scream. High praise indeed. A constant reminder of my good looks has been that classic statement. “Just go away, I can’t bear to look at your face”.                                                                                                                                                     Don’t knock the compliments I say 😉