Grabbin Some Grammar, Innit 🤟

Sometimes I am inundated with advertising which states I need Grammarly. So, I tested it with a few paragraphs from the Masters 😉

EH6670P 1930s Ernest Hemingway sitting on a dock next to the Pilar, 1930s. Photographer unknown in the Ernest Hemingway Collection of the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, Boston.

The first paragraph from The Old Man and the Sea, Hemingway’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel came up with a score of 86/100 with two commas missing and if I go Premium there are a further 3 alerts, including 2 Potentially Sensitive Language issues and another punctuation error.

The first few lines of Atonement, Ian McEwan, the Observer cites it as one of the greatest 100 novels ever written. It gained a score of 96/100. I was asked to remove the ‘a’ before ‘lunch’ and if I pay for Premium they will tell me why it has ‘hard – to – read – text’ lol.

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen, still used in UK schools as part of the GCSE curriculum. The first paragraph gained a miserly score of 87/100 with 5 alerts of misspellings, although to be fair 4 were full stops after Mr or Mrs which we don’t do anymore. But if I pay for Premium they will explain the problems with passive voice misuse and intricate text.

Finally The Overstory, Richard Powers’ Pulitzer Prize-winning novel 2019. A score of 90/100, 4 alerts ascertaining to, missing comma, incorrect noun use and 2 spelling mistakes. If you pay for Premium there are a further 6 alerts – Word choice, passive voice misuse, punctuation and 2 monotonous sentences.

Monotonous?? It’s a Pulitzer for gawd’s sake 😂😂

I put this post into Grammarly and my score is the same as Hemingway’s, so Pulitzer here I come 😘😘

Now I wonder if the young lady on the telly who tells us we need Grammarly to write a really good novel is… possibly wrong. 🙂

Lets Get The Kids Exercising (Oh Dear)

They say laughter is the best medicine. Well, I can certainly subscribe to that. It’s a little harder today. As I sit here, listening to the rain and wind pounding the window. I’ll be running across Beverley Westwood Pastures in less than an hour. But yesterday Sooty tried to cheer us all up! This one is child friendly in case you were worried 😂

Hope you enjoy the fun and remember laughing is better than crying xxx

My Days of Football

It was a grim winter day, the skies were grey and the birds had even stopped singing. We trudged reluctantly past the black, foreboding gates of the Victorian park. A thin line of frozen schoolboys. Heading out for an afternoon of football.

This was my first experience of school football. I’d seen Leeds United play and so I had a good idea of how the game was played (a la – 1970 Leeds style.)

During that winter my bedroom had ice on the window (on the inside). Linoleum on the floor and duvet was just a French word. So football boots were not an essential item. But there was hope!

Anyaways… back to the plot. Upon arrival at our destination our hardened PE teacher told us to get changed while he checked the boiler room (cigarette break!) As I say, mam and dad couldn’t afford football boots, but my brother-in-law, who was in the army came to the rescue. He gave me some boots. His old rugby boots! Not quite the ones I wanted…

• 

• 

This seemed like a good idea, except they were size 11. There may have been some confusion with my age and boot size. So, out I trumbled looking like Co-Co the clown, with a scrounged, football shirt that was three sizes too big. After the joviality had ceased and I managed to hold back the tears, the game started.

I volunteered for the position of right back which, to the un-initiated is a defender. This was, in part, because my best friend was in goal and I thought we could have a chat. When the first attacker bore down on us I immediately ran out and kicked his legs from underneath him. The whistle blew!

“Who the bloody hell do think you are, lad?” Came the voice of our irate teacher, ” Jack Charlton?”

“No, Sir, Norman Hunter,” I replied innocently.

“Off, off, get off my pitch.”

He appeared visibly distressed. this was one of our first encounters. I have written about our relationship in a previous post, here.

My football days were obviously numbered and to be honest I spent most of them on my own in the shower.

And that my friends is how I became a runner. Have a good week and remember, love the one you are with (at any given time 😂) ❤️

Avoid Trail Runs With Little Bears!

Happy New Year one and all ❤️

As you all know, Sooty and I have a special arrangement. Not unlike the USA and Britain. Although I’ve never been 100% sure who is the hand… who is the puppet 😂

Sooty is going home tomorrow and wanted one last trail run, don’t try this at home 😂

Just Mulling

Twas the night before Christmas

All was calm, awaiting the freeze

No resemblance to Xmas pasts

Ravaged by disease

Separated from ones we love

But only for a while

Ruled by the ones above

Who really make me smile

Remember it’s only a day

We will meet again

Party, love, run and play

So my friends suck up the pain

Christmas is a day

Friends are for life 

Happy Christmas you lot ❤️❤️❤️

I’m Confused

This isn’t a new thing. There have been many things which have confused me over the years. I think it started with Physics and Chemistry lessons at eleven-years-old.

That’s me on the left, they said I needed glasses too, but after I had broken 11 pairs, I was handed a roll of sellotape…

Girls confused me for a while, until I broke away from the Bradford council estate culture. Travel broadens the mind, so they say. It did for me; I also discovered girls were human beings and not sex objects to be kept barefoot and pregnant, contrary to the council estate mentality I had left behind. So, I was doing rather well… great relationships with the opposite sex and no physics or chemistry.

Recently though the present situation has totally confused me. Apparently last night a Tier 4 was invented, I’m not quite sure what Tier 3 is yet and someone said Christmas is cancelled? As we’re a Christian country I think that might be pushing our luck. We’ve pissed Europe off, but the big guy? I mean… it is his only son’s birthday…

• 

• 

There doesn’t appear to be any official photos of God, so I decided on one of me as an unconfused younger man. 😉

Soaps started to confuse me so I stopped watching. It appears the only story lines available are terminal diseases, manipulating men and everyone shagging themselves senseless, maybe that’s a reflection of our society 😂

But today my final refuge confused me. WordPress. A lot of people I follow seem to have vanished, when I search for them it says I am already following them. When I try to ‘like’ a post it says I need to sign in, when I try to sign in it says I am already signed in, then when I click ‘like’ it shuts down… maybe physics and chemistry wasn’t so bad after all?

Be safe my dear friends and enjoy your non-Christmas as best you can 😘😘

Remember Me

How will you be remembered, or specifically how would you like to be remembered? This was a question posed to me by my friend Carolyn

Apparently, I’m so laid back I am horizontal, so I guess out of all the photos this would be the one I would pick. As it turns out, I found this a very difficult question but to be brutally honest my answer was in fact that I don’t really care. The Princess used to say, “It’s always all about you.”

To which I replied, “It always has been.” I mean, it is my life isn’t it? 😂

When I was a nipper I guess I would have wanted to be remembered as a kind of explorer, daredevil, tough guy, lover (well, maybe lover came later😉)

But as you get older none of that seems so important, or is it that you’ve achieved those things in a roundabout way? And so you’re complete? I can still be a bit ‘shonky’ (the Princess’s description from years ago meaning corrupt.) These days she has a habit of muttering, ‘and the legend continues!’

I’ve always done right by people as best I can. I think I’ve kept my integrity, although the education system tried to steal it and failed. I guess at the end of the day if I had to choose something. It would be cool if someone said, “Remember, Charlie?” and it brought a smile to everyone’s face.

Now, that can interpreted in many ways 😘😂

Lifestyle

What exactly is that? Lifestyle. It appears to have a very broad spectrum. Food, fitness, clothes, even the shape of your genitals can have an effect upon your lifestyle (Don’t ask! It was a woman’s discussion programme I inadvertently wandered into 😂)

A healthy lifestyle is not smoking, not drinking too much, or at all and keeping fit, physically and mentally. That’s just for starters. If you’re not sure where to start you can join a gym, or at least you could before they shut them all two weeks ago.😂

You could buy a book, read articles or even engage an expert who will put you through hell as part of a rigorous training regime. If you want to stop smoking you can ‘Vape.’ Although people are now drowning because of the moisture sitting in their lungs from vaping.

I read an article the other day that said if you stop smoking over 60 years-old you have less chance of dying, hmmm a curious statement. I wonder if they missed a bit?

You can get a personal shopper and I guess they dress you. You can also get a dietician who tells you what to eat and drink.

Now you’ll have forgive me here but didn’t we used to call these people mummy?

Dear Lord, He’s Back!

Everything was going swell (do you like that? A little word thrown in there for my american cousins) Anyaways, life was great. I rejoined the gym last Thursday and I’ve been doing cross-country in the dark on Wednesday evenings with some friends. Cross-country in the dark is amazing, until you get lost in the forest. This particular evening it was just myself and the three girls. I did hope wonder if it was a preconceived plan to lure me in there alone but it wasn’t.

• 

• 

• 

Of course this Thursday they have closed the gyms and locked us down for a month. I am one of those lucky people who isn’t affected by such things, ce la vie, as they say. But I am concerned for those who are affected and hope it is only a four week lock-down. Although I have to say after spending years (and I mean years lol) running and training alone I have become very fond of the company. The Princess is of an opinion that it’s females I am predominately surrounding myself with and makes overtones about Charlie’s Angels.

There’s a certain amount of truth in this, I’ve always preferred the company of girls. It started in the infants, they don’t smell, pick their nose, spit, punch you in the face when they’re drunk or flick their towel at your genitalia in the changing rooms. I’ve always found them to be rather pleasant company too.

I suppose I had better get back to the title? I know, I have digressed, it’s not old age I’ve always done it. You must be wondering by now? Well it’s Sooty, yes he’s decided if we’re going into lock-down he’s moving back in! Last night was his first night and he was quite keen to do some cross-country in the dark. If you’ve ever considered doing something similar with a small fluffy bear I would advise against it!

So there you are, you lovely people. Stay safe, stay healthy, be kind to one another and if you are in the USA, I hope the officials have remembered how to count by now xxxx

My Last Time

Nope, this isn’t one of those posts either, although it could have been in a hotel room😂. It’s been a funny old year. Last winter I trained hard, only to get one go at it and now I have to start winter training all over again. It can be so frustrating but at least I got some release last Sunday. When, eventually, I do get to perform, I can take solace in the fact, I will be well prepared. I’m talking road races here… where are you?

So last Sunday saw the running of the Haltemprice 10k. It’s pronounced Holtemprice, by the way… I dunno it’s just what I’m told… the wonders of the English language. I did wonder how 300 runners could do a 10k road race and maintain social distancing (incidentally it should be called, anti social distancing? I miss my cuddles!!)

But it was so well organised there were no distancing issues, we started in 3’s at five second intervals. Of course you need a large field/area close to the start for a holding pen. Anyaways this was my second and final chance this year and after all the setbacks with the Achilles I was fairly happy

The main point was I got to see so many old running comrades, mainly from parkrun, still cancelled after all this time. Funny but the old adage is so true, ‘You never miss it until it’s gone.’

So, a happy Sunday morning with a 5k PB at 22:23 and a second fastest 10k. A great run with Jo my adorable running partner and importantly, a lovely time with lovely friends, now that’s got to be good for your mental health? Be safe you lovely people. 😍😍xxx

My First Time

Yeah, like I’m really going to put that up here, although for those that are curious it was at the rear of Morrison’s supermarket by the bins. 😉 Oh! we had such class in the 70’s! Nope this is my first 10k race since the Achilles nonsense, it appears to be improving. So I’m hoping to comeback faster, stronger and fitter… hmm! Although there are some who say my footwear was to blame, I’m not so sure 😉

They have organised a 10k race in Hull called the Haltemprice 10k with up to 500 runners. If your worried about social distancing its okay we set off in three’s at five second intervals. Obviously we 500 will not get close to one another during the 6 mile run. Okay maybe we’re invoking the rule of Trump here. I do mean Donald not the noise I make during Pilates by the way.

I’m nearly ready, the safety pin check has been carried out. For the uninitiated these are for pinning the number to your vest not for the nappy but I guess I’m not to far away from that one? I used to watch the first Rocky film before a run (don’t ask) Later I switched to Chariots of Fire. These days it should probably be Grumpy Old Men 😂

Anyaways I’ve got my lovely running partner, Jo to keep me company, now I can strongly recommend running with a younger woman. There again I can strongly recommend doing anything with a younger woman. 😘 I have my race number already, Yoga commences straight after this post and it’s carb loading Pizza for tea (dinner to you posh lot). Enjoy your weekend you lovely people and keep safe.