I’m a Day Late!

The wind howls across the moor – actually they are pastures – but wind on the Westwood cannot dampen the mood. After all I’m not Heathcliffe. “Pity,” mutters the Princess, dreaming of Tom Hardy. This post is a day late, I know… bad man 😉

Despite the media and dreaded Facebook anxiety level raising headlines I appear, to be still alive. I could put this down to my Viking genes (£20 in Primark) or it could be I haven’t been anywhere? I realised today, my Blog is ten years old and recalled how ecstatic I was when I reached 10 followers. It is also three years since we moved to Beverley in East Yorkshire, so a walk on the Westwood seemed appropriate.

Of course not having been anywhere does limit one’s blog posts, as there are no idiots people to write about. On a more positive note Roisin; remember her? If you can’t check the link 😉 She is my running partners 16 year-old daughter, anyway, she received her Team GB kit for the Aquathlon in September and while we were chatting her younger sister poked her head out of a window. “Have I really been asleep for 2 days,” she said and disappeared again. Oh! the joys of lock-down.

 

Me? Social Media?

I scroll and I scroll and I scroll, I begin to feel like a Caesar, he had a bad touch of the scrolls, as I remember, Carry on Cleo, springs to mind.  Back to the title – I have stopped going on Social Media – three weeks now – I finally reached a point where a picture of your dog, cat, child, children, child/children with husband/wife, your tea (posh people call it dinner) your legs and toes on a sunbed, Boris Johnson/Donald Trump with a funny caption above their head and of course a big fuck off poster that tells me to stay at home! Just didn’t do it for me anymore.

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I feel better, the Princess feels much better (no more rants) I also stopped watching the news. I catch up with the daily briefing once a week. I found that listening to a Minister telling me nothing has changed, everyday, was becoming tedious – listening to so called journalists ask completely stupid questions – even more so. Incidentally a friend explained to me that they have even got Social Distancing wrong. It should be physical distancing… hmmm.

Is WordPress, Social Media, though? Some could argue the point. Personally I don’t think it is. It’s a writing platform where people share more than their pets, spouses and legs on a sunbed. Although I did share mine in a bath once.

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Instagram? I mean really, how do you get 75,000 followers by posting pictures of your barely covered breasts and ass. Teasing the sex workers was a hoot for a while, but even they lacked imagination. Always a photo of a pretty girl with a beautiful child. She believed in Jesus and is looking for a wonderful man. The private message stated ‘Hi how are you today.’ I worked it out eventually. It’s some overweight ‘Johnny Foreigner’ sitting at his computer with his shabby Y fronts around his ankles. Now there’s an image the next time your chatting. Have a lovely weekend.

A Walk In The Woods: and other short stories by Esther Chilton @esthernewton201 #BookReview

via A Walk In The Woods: and other short stories by Esther Chilton @esthernewton201 #BookReview

Strange Thoughts and Yoga

Eyes searching upwards from the laptop capture the blue sky before the sunlight pierces the cornea, forcing me to squint. Now 70’s channel plays The Archies ‘Sugar, Sugar’ and I recall fancying the brunette when an adolescent, so I have to Google her name. Veronica Lodge. It occurs to me I never knew this before – never caught the TV series.

I realise that Veronica is still attractive and as a cartoon character will never age – I am suddenly jealous – this emotion is quickly cast off, replaced by a realisation that I am possibly going mad.

It is now four weeks since I injured my Achilles Tendon, I don’t run anymore – I don’t walk anymore, Sooty has exhausted his talents and my sole source of entertainment (apart from Netflix; other entertainment channels are available) comes from Adriene – a YouTube Yoga teacher. Contrary to the dark side of my mind (I call him Jack) I chose Adriene because:

A. She is extremely talented

B. She has a hugely diverse site.

Jack has other ideas concerning my choice of Yoga teacher!

The rest of my day is spent editing my book (chapter 20 of 42 chapters) and squinting at the sunshine beaming through my window. 

So, why Yoga I hear you scream? Okay you didn’t. I’ve never done Yoga in my life, it always seemed girly. Hang on girls, remember I am losing my mind so allowed to be inappropriate. Of course, I now wish I had…!

If you have ever considered Yoga… Stop considering it and do it. Adriene and I lock ourselves away twice – sometimes three – times a day and after a shaky start I feel so much better. My little legs do things I would never have thought possible. You should really try a Pigeon, that’s a move not a meal. Although if you do eat one, hang it in the barn until its head drops of first. I apologise if you are vegetarian, it was my father’s advice not mine. 

Relieving Anxiety for a Little bear

There are some people who believe I have far too much time on my hands! I started these little Sooty videos originally because my Face Book feed was bombed with fake and real news stories, shared by people who hadn’t actually read them but felt the need to comment upon the sensationalist headlines.

This, I felt was just causing undue anxiety and worry. So initially the idea was to show the effect sensationalism can have on the more sensitive people in our society. Strangely enough it does seem to be calming down now. Although I doubt this has anything to do with Sooty. This final video was simply to get people laughing, hope you can at least smile. By the way that’s not my real hair and I grew the beard simply to emphasize the issue of lock down. Be safe my friends xx

At Home With Sooty 3

I only post once a week but this video is actually relevant to today. Happy Easter, by the way. It also may need a little explaining for those of you who don’t abide in the North of England – Skegness is a beach resort that has had a certain amount of fun poked at it over the years but sadly, as is the case with many UK resorts, it is in decline. The Daily Twaddle is a not an actual Newspaper but when you read the amount of BS that is published today it may as well be. Finally I feel that little bears are impressionable so maybe the media should think before they publish. But we know from experience they don’t – Caroline Flack?

Finally for some reason WordPress won’t allow me to upload the video? Maybe it’s limited to two? So here is the YouTube link. Have a lovely Easter 😉

 

At Home With Sooty (2)

It’s very difficult to write anything these days without mentioning the ‘C’ word. No, stop it! Lets keep this a family show 😉 Because I am frenziedly editing my book and seem to be consumed by 1974, skinheads, rockers and racism it’s difficult to diverse my mind. This is why I did a few Sooty videos (I think) Although there are some that think I am ‘3 sheets to the wind’, a saying of my mother’s. It was a different way of saying that you are mentally disturbed, which could be true. I’m not even sure if this constitutes a Blog Post? But anyway, like the News, you can choose not to watch it 😉 Love you all and hope you and your family are surviving this xxx

Stir Crazy? 😂

These little bears are so impressionable and why has my hair grown? 😂

It’s a Dog’s Life

I really miss the Parkrun, thought Billy, sniffing a lamp post hopefully. I wonder why they stopped it. I hope it wasn’t because I barked so much at the start. I was just so excited. All those smells, admittedly they weren’t all nice but most of the humans smelt friendly. Maybe, Patrick stopped it? Maybe, I should have let him win sometimes? But then he would probably have tripped over my lead, teehee that could have been quite funny.

Patrick and Billy at Beverley Westwood Parkrun

A lot of the humans have gone away, it’s probably because of all the rain. I heard Patrick say  the bad weather was keeping them away from the Parkrun (when we had one!) And he is very clever. As for the ones that are left? Well, I think they may have fallen out. They used to mess about, always kissing and hugging, now they stand apart and don’t look as happy. I haven’t smelt a trouser leg for ages. Of course that doesn’t tell you very much about someone,  if you really want to get to know someone you need to smell their bottoms.

My friend, Rex (he’s a Border Collie and works with Sheep) says that Mother Nature has stopped Parkrun as a punishment. He’s always been a deep thinker. He thinks all the machines, especially the one’s that fly, have stopped working because they were killing nature. And, he says a long time ago some beings called Dinosaurs were very naughty so she froze them all! He laughs and says some humans want to save the planet but they don’t realise the planet will save itself one day.

I know it sounds a bit silly but a lot of people are very sad because there is no Parkrun anymore. For some people it was their weekly challenge or a way to meet other people and have a bit of fun and other people used to like setting it up and making it nice for the ones that ran or walked it. Rex said it was good for people’s mental health (whatever that means)

Photo by Nick Frere

Fun at Beverley Westwood Parkrun

The Setup Crew at Beverley Westwood Parkrun

They all used to shout my name when I ran past and I used to bark a lot, so I hope if it is Mother Nature that’s doing this, then the humans can do a deal with her.

Billy at Home

Billy at Home

Not Really Poetry

I’m not a poet but I do spend a lot of time running, sometimes on my own and sometimes with my partner. This partner, although female, is not the aforementioned Princess. I guess she is my Countess, which the Princess appears to be happy about as she believes a Countess is lower in the ranking than a Princess. Anyway, as always I digress. So, yesterday I had a long run on my own because of you know what, shhh… and when I run alone the old brain comes up with all sorts of stuff. Some of it involves stuff I couldn’t put on here, give me a break I am still a bloke 😘 So in this little head of mine I wrote a poem, mainly because Saturday is Parkrun day and if you have no idea what that is? Then follow the link to a previous post, as I say I’m not a poet so I shoved a couple of photos in there to ease the pain. Hope you are all keeping safe and not yet contemplating divorce 😉

The people may be divided

But still, they are united

Parkrun is now prohibited

Alone, we have to run – uninhibited

And ensure we give a 2-meter pass

So, Mr Corona you can kiss my ass.